UnMotivationalPosters

Been around the world and I…I…I I can’t find my baby…

Until now. I present to you…Pimpmanster!

Pimpmanster, the object of my affections

Pimpmanster

Girl, I see you lookin at me.
It’s that same look I saw in yo’ eye at the club.
That little sparkle, that glint…yeah that’s it girl. Work that smile. Mmm, you sho’ look good.

How you like my mangerie? You think it looks good on me? No it’s man lingerie not menagerie, but if you want to I can call up this girl I know and we can have one. What? Animals? You see any animals in here? Ol’ animals would tear up my fine imported couch and break my Ming vase. The Ming Dynasty? What’s that? This old man down the way named Ming be sellin these out his garage.

Why you sittin all the way over there, tenderoni? C’mon a little bit closer. Damn your heart is pounding. You nervous? Raaawwrrr, don’t worry I don’t bite. Unless you want me to. I guess you must be nervous. You drank all that wine that quick? I’ll give you a refill. Don’t worry, once this bottle is gone I have a whole box in the kitchen. Some kinda Chabliss or something. It’s real good though.

So uh, ooh, hold on girl. You on my hair. Aww, okay, we good now. You like it? I been growin it out for a while now. This weave was expensive but now that my hair is long enough you know, it covers up the tracks and everything. Shit, you got a little kitchen goin on back here dontcha? Might wanna get a perm touchup so I can run my fingers through that hair. Damn, that ain’t even a weave? Girl you is classy, yo’ hair grewed instead of glued.

C’mon baby, let’s go to the bedroom. I got some fine sheets, 200 thread count. That’s real fancy, baby. You know what a thread count is, right? These sheets is almost as sof’ as yo’ skin. We can slide across ‘em all night and I’ll make you scream like you hit the super-lotto.

Take my hand, girl. Don’t be shy.
Don’t be scared.
I’m gon take real good care of you.
It’s what I do.
I’m the Pimpmanster.